Monday, May 29th 2000: Monday Night Mutilation Card #6 - Match #1 DAND vs. Monoxide Child Authour: Alexander Michael Quinn (LimousineDriver) [President] Match: Junkyard match. Rules: Must say "I Quit" to lose. Titles: None. Commentators: Iaian McBride, James Colburn ____________________________________________________________________ Colburn: Well, things seem to be picking up for the HDW, I wonder if we'll get Fridays too. McBride: Yeah, getting paid for two nights would kick ass. Colburn: Well, whatever. McBride: Hey, next week is Pay Per View! Colburn: Yep, Wednesday is all that is happening next week for those wrestlers who want to get in some major stuff. McBride: The only way it's different from Mondays is just the one match. Colburn: Yeah, but what a match! All the regular wrestlers in a boiler room with weapons? Last one standing gets the World Title belt! Holy cow! McBride: Anyway, let's look at some great stuff that happened last Monday. Colburn: Well, yeah, we had three matches last week. McBride: First it was Virus vs. DAND in the hospital. Man, there were two great things in that match! Colburn: Yeah, when Virus had DAND dangling out a window, and the guy LAUGHED it off!!! McBride: He's definitely one of our nuttier wrestlers...but at least he showed some compassion. Colburn: Yeah, just so SuperBeast's interference wouldn't KILL Virus! McBride: Good point. Then we had Chrono vs. SuperBeast! Colburn: Right, man, that chokeslam into the hilt of a sword! OUCH! McBride: Yeah, not even SuperBeast can take that much pain! Colburn: Then of course Super Rainbow Ribbed-Condom Man annoyed Gothic after that. McBride: Man, last week was pretty cool, and I see that Hell in the Cell w/ weapons will be a great trend to continue! Colburn: Especially with tonight's match with our Pres. vs. Dark Angel! Man, what a setup! McBride: Well, right now we have a first: a junkyard match with DAND vs. Monoxide Child in another "I Quit" match! Colburn: Man, junk, they will sure smell after that match. McBride: Not half as much as you. Colburn: Hey! (The Viewscreen flickers on, Gothic is standing there, and is ready to announce.) Gothic: Excellent. Our first match will be with our resident granola bar; a nut, a fruit, and a flake all in one; DAND. And joining him for a bit of a nasty spar is the deadly Monoxide Child! I have been informed that they are ready to begin and have started on opposite ends of the junkyard to ensure we see all the action in time. They will be sealed off with three hills in a perimeter once they enter the area. (The Viewscreen flickers again, and we see a gray layer of junk on the ground with three fairly large mounds forming a triangle. A gate seals the rest of the area, with two entrances open.) McBride: That's what I like about Gothic; doesn't waste any time. Colburn: And here come our wrestlers through the now sealing gates! McBride: They're both going to spear eachother? Colburn: Ouch! DAND won that one with just a bit of extra push. Monoxide Child down on the ground, seems he got his leg caught in something lying on the ground! McBride: DAND is moving in for the kill. (On the screen, DAND is running toward Monoxide Child to deliver a blow, but Monoxide Child manages to kick his trapped leg up, releasing the object towards DAND, hitting him in the face!) Colburn: What the hell was that? Some kind of rusted machinery? McBride: Ouch, DAND has a nasty cut along his forehead; I get the feeling this match is gonna be a really messy one. (DAND recovers quickly and jumpflips back. Monoxide Child gets back on his feet, but DAND runs up atop a hill. Monoxide Child remains at the bottom to see what he'll do.) Colburn: What's DAND doing up there? McBride: Nevermind, what's Monoxide doing down there?! Colburn: Uh-oh, it looks like DAND is straining to pick something up...ACK! It's half the remains of a car! I didn't even think any wrestler of ours could do that?! McBride: Monoxide looks unsure what to do. Oh, nevermind, he just noticed how rickety the pile was. (Monoxide Child runs towards the pile and rams it, sending DAND flying backwards with the broken car in his hands. A large smash is heard from behind the pile.) Colburn: Holy sh*t! Did DAND get hit with the car?! McBride: I don't know what's going on, switch camera please. (The camera switches, and we see Monoxide Child run behind the pile where the car lies. MC looks around, but DAND isn't anywhere. That's when he tries to move the car, but nothing there either.) Colburn: What the hell? McBride: That's a neat disappearing trick. MC is coming around to the center of the three piles again. Strange, where did DAND go? Is this match over? (A hand reaches up from beneath the pile and pulls MC through the ground; the layer of junk caves in and we see a small 10ft deep pit with DAND putting MC in a suplex from that height!) Colburn: Whoah, who knew that pit would be there? McBride: Man, being slammed from 10ft, is Monoxide Child even still breathing? Colburn: Well, they're shining a light down there, but all I can see is the two of them beating the sh*t out of eachother, I can't tell who's who. McBride: Neither can I. (All of a sudden, Monoxide Child gets thrown up through the hole and lands on one of the piles. He coughs up a bit of blood, and we see DAND jump up as well. Apparently MC made a rather nasty gash across DAND's left leg, cause it's bleeding like crazy. DAND is holding his leg, while MC tries to get up; MC picks up a large ball of unassorted junk and hurls it at DAND. The ball splits up into flying pieces of garbage which impale DAND through his shoulders and breaks one of his ribs. A large cracking sound is heard!) Colburn: F*ck, that must be painful! McBride: DAND has been knocked to the ground, and man is he bleeding, there is no way he'll skimp out on a long Hospital trip with all that. Colburn: Not a chance; looks like MC is gonna take advantage of this situation, and picks up DAND from behind. Here comes Throat Cancer, and it sends DAND down to the ground. McBride: Man, isn't that the same move Carmine pulls off? Colburn: I can't remember...wait, yeah it is. McBride: I like Carmine's legs better. Colburn: Iaian! Talk like that will get the Pres. pissed! (MC runs up a pile, back flips and lands on DAND's [one broken] ribs in a Collapsed Lung. DAND coughs up a lot of blood, but manages to roll away into the pit again.) McBride: Dude, not this again, we could barely see them last time. Colburn: Well, Monoxide is going after him again. McBride: Sigh. Colburn: No wait, there's MC again back outside the pit. He seems worried. McBride: Dude, where is DAND? Colburn: I don't know, I don't think Monoxide knows either. McBride: Man, with the damage that DAND has taken, I'm surprised he can still move, much less breathe! Colburn: Yeah, you'd think that last one would have at least killed him. McBride: Wow, he really is a nut. (A large whirring sound is heard and it starts to cause feedback in the speakers, MC looks around frantically for the cause of that sound and sees a large magnet hovering above him, attached to a crane with: guess who?!) McBride: Nevermind, he's a f*cking lunatic!!! (The magnet is turned on and MC is picked up along with the rest of the fallen junk. He gets ensnared by all of the garbage, unable to move.) Colburn: He must have dug underneath the fence! McBride: He's swinging it around; this is insane! The match is easily over now! Colburn: Ouch, he's knocked over the other two piles with the magnet, MC must be getting crushed by the attracted garbage! McBride: Oh, DAND has let go of him, but he's gonna fall down the pit with all that junk landing on him! Colburn: Ah sh*t! The cameraman got covered, we lost the signal! McBride: Who cares? Ten to One I know who won that match.