Monday, May 22nd 2000:  Monday Night Mutilation
Card #5 - Match #1

DAND vs. Virus

Authour:  Jeff Davidson [Assistant CEO]
Match:  Hospital "I Quit" match.
Rules:  None, must say "I Quit" to lose.
Titles: None.
Commentators: McBride, Colburn.

____________________________________________________________

McBride: I love that song!

Colburn: Oh shut up.

McBride: Tiffed old man?

Colburn: Ha ha, I put you in your place last week.

McBride: Yeah, at painful expense to you!

Colburn: I'm not getting back into this argument, but suffice it to say
        that our match was pretty short and we only got to see one 
        match last week.

McBride: The first match last week was a Gravitron match between DAND 
        and SuperBeast.

Colburn: A lot of fancy gravity in that match, until the machine broke
        down.

McBride: Yeah, who knew SuperBeast was that strong?!

Colburn: The injuries from the Gravitron may cost him tonight's match.

McBride: Mad Rapper Vs. Dark Angel was just nuts.  Actually going 
        through our table was cool,  good thing we were gone.

Colburn: Lots of pain to both sides, poor Mad Rapper.

McBride: Then the 4 women tag-team Iron Woman match.  The only big 
        thing was Nadia sent to the hospital.

Colburn: Well, she's recovered and should be ready for next Monday,
        let's hope so.

McBride: A lot of friends are by her side.  Out of all the injuries, 
        somehow, hers was the worse, maybe cause it was an accident.

Colburn: Yeah...But on to tonight!

McBride: Our first match is an I Quit Match between DAND and Virus in
        one of the local hospitals. One of our newer wrestlers, Chrono,
        is going to be the special guest referee.

Colburn: I suspect a little foul play from DAND here.

McBride: How so?

Colburn: Oh come on! You saw how buddy-buddy they are. It’s more like a
        two on one if you ask me.

McBride: If I know DAND he wouldn’t need Chrono’s help anyway. Besides,
        from what I’ve seen of Chrono, he looks pretty neutral.

Colburn: Ah, but you see Virus sort of threatened him just yesterday. 
        I’m sure Chrono won’t take that very well.

McBride: Well, we’ll see soon won’t we?

(The Havoc Viewscreen flickers to life and Gothic appears.)

Gothic: Alright everybody. The hospital "I Quit" match is already 
       underway. Apparently, DAND and Virus ran into eachother and 
       they’ve already started beating each other senseless. Lower the 
       screen!

(A larger version of the Havoc Viewscreen is lowered in front of the
 original and it immediately flickers on.  DAND has Virus in a headlock 
 and then rams his head into the concrete wall.)

McBride: Holy sh*t! Already?

Colburn: They must really hate each other if they didn’t even wait for 
        the cameras!

(Virus falls to the ground face first and DAND reaches for a nearby
 wheelchair. Chrono is in the background holding a mic and talking to a
 good looking nurse. As DAND reaches for the wheelchair, Virus flips up
 off the ground and kicks DAND from behind.  DAND falls over the
 wheelchair and then Virus rips off one of it’s wheels and starts beating 
 DAND with it.)

McBride: Man, Virus is pretty strong. Those wheels aren’t meant to come
        off like that.

Colburn: It was probably tampered with.

McBride: Gee, do I sense some negativity?

Colburn: Damn right! That guy has annoyed me from day one.

McBride: Why don’t you tell him that?

Colburn: ..........

McBride: That’s what I thought.

(As Virus brings down the wheel one more time, DAND punches it back in
 Virus’ face. The wheel hits him square in the nose and he instinctively 
 drops the wheel and holds his nose. It starts to bleed a bit. DAND then
 grabs Virus’ ankles and yanks them out from under him. Virus falls and 
 hits his head hard on the floor.)

McBride: Oh, man. I heard that crunch.

Colburn: Blood is drawn so early in the match, this is definitely going
        to get interesting.

McBride: It already is interesting!

(DAND fetches a nearby stretcher and brings it back. He then leans 
 Virus against the wall and backs up with the stretcher.)

Colburn: He wouldn’t.

McBride: He is.

(DAND runs at Virus with the stretcher out in front of him. Just before
 he impacts Virus jumps up and wraps his legs around DAND’s head. The 
 stretcher impacts into the wall and then Virus hurricanrana’s DAND into 
 the stretcher. Both men crash to the ground, DAND holding his head in 
 pain and Virus shaking himself back to reality.)

McBride: Phew! If he’d hit Virus he probably would have cut him in half.

Colburn: That would be neat.

McBride: ....uhhh, okay, yeah. I guess it would be kind..of...
        interesting.

Colburn: What’s that look for?

McBride: Dude, you’re starting to scare me.

(Virus shakes off his cobwebs and gets up. DAND is a little slower to
 get up and Virus grabs him and gives him a spinning neckbreaker. He
 then picks up DAND and places him on the stretcher. He points the 
 stretcher at a set of stairs and pushes it towards them. DAND begins
 to stir and then sits up, but it’s too late and the stretcher
 disappears down the stairs. A lot of crashing and groaning can be 
 heard and then silence.)

McBride: Okay, it’s official. Virus is a crazy son-of-a-b*tch.

Colburn: I’ve known that for quite some time.

McBride: Me too. But I didn’t think he was that crazy.

Colburn: Now you know.

(Virus runs over to the staircase and looks down. The camera looks down 
 as well. The stretcher is mangled and there are a few blood stains here
 and there. DAND is nowhere to be seen. Virus and the cam-man run down 
 the stairs with Chrono following shortly after. Virus begins searching 
 for DAND down the hallway.)

Colburn: Hey, where did he go?

McBride: I think you and Virus are sharing the same brainwave right now.

Colburn: I think everyone is.

(Virus passes by a door marked Prosthetics and stops. He begins to open
 the door, but DAND suddenly crashes through it holding a prosthetic arm. 
 He knocks Virus down and then proceeds to beat him with the fake arm. 
 Chrono can be heard laughing in the background.)

McBride: *laughing* Now that’s cool!

Colburn: That’s not cool! Those fake limbs really freakin’ hurt you know!

McBride: How would you know?

Colburn: My niece has one and she hits me with it sometimes. I lose all
        feeling wherever she hits me.

McBride: You’re just a wimp.

Colburn: So what does that make you? Wimp plus?

McBride: Screw you too!

(DAND stops beating Virus with the arm and throws it away. He then picks
 up Virus by the head and throws him through the window to the 
 prosthetics lab. Virus goes crashing to the ground with broken glass
 falling all around him. He gets up surprisingly fast, however, and 
 leaps back through at DAND. He spears DAND in mid air and then drives
 him into the wall. He holds on and then turns and slams him into
 another wall. He repeats the move a few times and then brings DAND down
 into a backbreaker. Without warning, Virus lets out a roar, not unlike 
 the ones of Superbeast. He stops the roar halfway through and then holds
 his head. He starts to shake from strain and then stops. He shakes his
 head a bit and then grabs DAND and puts him through a window.)

Colburn: Could this be Virus’ infection by Superbeast taking effect?

McBride: Could be. But who cares?

Colburn: I’m sure Superbeast would be interested in watching this.

McBride: He probably is. Hey! DAND’s getting up!

(DAND gets up with the help of the window rim. Virus notices this and 
 jumps at the window. He dropkicks DAND back down to the ground and 
 then goes for a nearby bed pan. DAND’s legs suddenly reach out and
 trip Virus to the ground. DAND flips off the ground and Virus does
 the same. They stare at each other with fire in their eyes.)

McBride: What is this a staring contest?

Colburn: They’re waiting for the other to make the first move.

McBride: Yawn, wake me up when they start again.

(A noise in the background causes DAND to avert his eyes and Virus 
 attacks. Virus uppercuts DAND and then executes Vaccine. But he recoils
 in pain and holds his hands. DAND laughs and then pulls a meal tray out
 of his shirt. The tray has two small dents in it where Virus’ fingers 
 impacted. Virus is infuriated and tackles DAND. He picks him up and 
 DAND starts punching his head. Virus shrugs off the blows and runs
 toward the window that leads to outside. He and DAND smash through it
 and fall out of view.)

McBride: Jesus! They’re dead!

Colburn: No way! They must have caught the ledge!

McBride: Is there even a ledge!?

Colburn: I hope so!

(Chrono runs over to the window and looks out and the camera follows. 
 We see Virus hanging onto the ledge with DAND hanging onto his legs. 
 They are about seven stories up, and Virus’ grip seems to be slipping. 
 Chrono offers him his hand and Virus slaps it away. He begins to slip 
 off even faster now, and upon recollection, takes Chrono’s hand. Chrono 
 pulls him up and then DAND. Chrono checks DAND and then checks Virus. 
 Chrono puts his hand on Virus’ shoulder and then Virus punches Chrono 
 in the face.)

Colburn: What was that for!?

McBride: He apparently didn’t appreciate Chrono’s help.

Colburn: No sh*t!

(Chrono rubs his lip and then smiles at Virus. Before Virus can react, 
 Chrono grabs him and executes the Four Dimensions of Pain. He then 
 takes the mic out of his pocket and drops it nearby DAND. He spits on
 Virus and then leaves.)

McBride: I guess that wasn’t such a smart idea.

Colburn: Yeah, well, Virus should learn to appreciate people’s help.

McBride: He thinks we’re tumours. Why would he ever appreciate anything?

Colburn: Because if he doesn’t, more things like that will happen.

McBride: Good point.

(DAND recovers and grabs Virus and puts him into the Tactical Nuke. 
 Virus’ head is right near the mic and we can clearly hear him straining
 in pain. The strain is suddenly replaced by growling, and he starts to
 writhe his way up off the ground. He gets up with DAND still attached 
 to him and starts spinning around. His speed increases steadily until 
 DAND’s legs start flying around in the air.)

Colburn: Wow! What resilience!

McBride: That move didn’t even seem to hurt, it just pissed Virus off!

(Virus stops spinning and DAND’s eyes seem to be out of focus. Virus 
 grabs him by the head and pulls him onto his shoulders. He then drops 
 down into a sit down piledriver. DAND’s head bounces off the floor and
 then he lies perfectly still. Virus begins to savagely beat DAND with 
 the mic.)

McBride: Ouch! Man, that had to hurt. I think DAND is completely
        knocked out.

Colburn: You would be too after that.

McBride: I can’t argue with that.

(Virus throws the mic away and picks DAND up. He puts him over his 
 shoulder and walks to the window.  He pushes DAND out the window and 
 gets a hold of his ankles. Virus just dangles him there. DAND wakes up
 after a few seconds and sees where he is. He looks and sees Virus
 holding onto him. Virus yells at DAND to say the words and DAND yells
 back his refusal. Virus grows angry and lets go of one of DAND’s legs.
 DAND freaks out a bit, then starts laughing. Virus grows even more
 angry and lets go of DAND’s last leg.  DAND falls, but catches himself
 on a ledge and then flips back in through the previous floor’s window. 
 Virus turns to leave the room when suddenly Superbeast appears in the
 door way and tackles Virus to the ground.)

Colburn: Whoa! Where did he come from?

McBride: Out of nowhere, man, one second and he was just there!

(Superbeast beats on Virus for a bit and then places him near a table.
 Superbeast climbs onto the table and then executes STAMPEDE! on Virus. 
 He continues all the way until DAND arrives back in the room.  DAND
 seems surprised at Superbeast’s presence.)

Colburn: Is Beast ever gonna stop?

McBride: Doesn’t look like it.

Colburn: Virus is starting to cough up blood.

(DAND pulls Superbeast off of Virus and Superbeast almost tears off
 DAND’s head. Superbeast’s eyes are wild, but he slowly starts to 
 calm down. Virus continues to cough up blood and his eyes are rolled 
 into the back of his head. DAND grabs the mic.)

DAND: I may hate him, but I also hate to see anyone die. I Quit. 
     SuperBeast, stop.

(The bell rings and DAND and Superbeast leave the room. A few seconds 
 later, a bunch of doctors flow into the room and start tending to
 Virus. He is now totally unconcious, and a trail of blood leads down 
 his body out of his mouth.)

Colburn: Say what!?

McBride: I think DAND is sparing Virus’ life. That Stampede from 
        Superbeast probably would have killed Virus if DAND hadn’t 
        ended the match.

Colburn: Well, Virus has won. But you have to ask yourself who the real
        winner here is. The one who is walking out of the building as 
        we speak? Or the one who is going to be staying there for a 
        little while longer?

McBride: DAND is definitely the better off in this situation.

Colburn: Definitely.