Monday, June 19 2000: Monday Night Mutilation Card #9 - Match #3 LimousineDriver Vs. Chrono Authour: Alexander Michael Quinn (LimousineDriver) [President] Match: Rooftop w/ weapons. Rules: None, must fall off to lose. Titles: None. Commentators: Iaian McBride, James Colburn ____________________________________________________________________ (Ryan Hill was not available to write the next match, so I stepped in and took over.) McBride: That was a great match! Colburn: You just like oggling the women...and frankly, so do I! McBride: Yeah, too bad I'm gonna die after this match. Colburn: Man, I feel sorry for you...I wonder who's gonna replace you? McBride: HEY! I'm not dead yet! Colburn: Hehe...sorry. Anyway, they'll have you patched up in no time. McBride: Just shut up. Okay, our next match is between Alex and Chrono. Colburn: Yeah, this is gonna be a great match! McBride: Except Chrono doesn't stand a rat's chance against that drug! Colburn: So what? We still get entertained. McBride: Dude, you are really starting to worry me. (The Havoc Viewscreen flickers on. Gothic is sitting in a chair in a helicopter. He's hovering over the HDW building which is 32 stories high.) Gothic: Ah yes, this match will definitely be worth watching. We have the mikes set up, but we aren't too sure if they'll work very well, there's too much satellite interference on our roof. As you can see, down on the roof we have Chrono standing and waiting. Quinn, are you ready to go? Quinn: I'm gonna nail his balls to a pole and push him over the edge of the roof. Gothic: ...yes, whatever is fine. (Quinn jumps off the helicopter and lands on the roof with his katana out and ready to fight. Chrono stands there on the other end. They are knee-deep in oil and are having a bit of difficulty moving. Gothic drops a match and the entire roof is lit in flames.) McBride: My God! I still can't believe that they're actually going to do this... Colburn: This is gonna be cool. Hey wait, what's Chrono doing? McBride: The defender determines the style used in the fight. Colburn: What? How the hell do you know that? McBride: Alex taught me last week. Okay, Chrono just--hey, Alex is attacking! (Quinn lunges at Chrono with his katana held high. Chrono manages to swing upwards, their swords covered in oils and flaming. The searing heat is already beginning to affect the two, their clothes are not burning however.) McBride: Looks like they were smart enough to wear flame retardant. Colburn: Man, flaming swords! Awesome! McBride: Alex is driving Chrono back, there is no way that Chrono can retaliate against LD on that drug, he's just too strong! Colburn: Looks like this fight is gonna end pretty quick. McBride: No wait, Chrono just speared the President and they disappeared into the flames. Colburn: Quick, turn on the goddamn mikes! (We hear clanging, but the signal fizzes out quickly and all that's left is static.) McBride: Sh*t! There goes the signal! Colburn: Uh oh! Look out! (We see a katana emerge from the flames and spinhits the camera, knocking it out.) McBride: Someone just lost their sword! Colburn: Gothic, is there another camera? (The Havoc Viewscreen switches to the viewpoint of the helicopter. Chrono is fighting LD with a claymore now, LD is having difficulty fighting against the heavy blade. The drug is beginning to show it's wear. Chrono stabs the LimousineDriver in the leg, causing him to fall to his knees. The flames are now licking both of them, causing extreme amounts of pain.) McBride: With all the flames, this fight should soon be over! Colburn: Man that sure went fast, LD's already on his knees. McBride: Oh God! Alex just parried the claymore with his hands?! Look he got a dagger from his boot and stabbed Chrono in the chest! Colburn: Looks like Chrono's having a lot of trouble with that wound, maybe LD hit something important! McBride: Well, Alex is back on his feet, and they are both trying to hit eachother. It doesn't look like Chrono has the strength to hold that sword anymore. Alex is just kicking Chrono in the ribs and knocks him out of the ring of fire. Colburn: Where'd Chrono go? (LD is looking for Chrono, but can't see him through the flames. Suddenly, a kick hits the LimousineDriver in the back of the head, knocking him back enough to send him over the edge.) McBride: Wow, Chrono beat the LimousineDriver! Colburn: No wait, something's up. Chrono is looking over the edge. (Chrono sees the President hanging onto the ledge of the roof with his hands. In fury, Chrono starts to stomp on them. LimousineDriver just looks up at him with a smile and grabs onto both of Chrono's legs.) McBride: Without a grip, Alex is gone over the edge! Colburn: Yeah, with Chrono! (We see the helicopter being lowered to the side of the building. Both of the wrestlers are fighting on a ledge outside a window. Alex ducks down and comes up to headbutt Chrono. It hurts Chrono, but doesn't even faze Alex [drug]. Alex then delivers a roundhouse kick, knocking Chrono off the ledge and out of the camera's sight. The camera view switches to atop the roof again and we see Chrono about to land on the helicopter blades.) Colburn: Sh*t! Chrono's gonna die! (Chrono lands directly on the pivot between the blades with his hands and flips off, spinning down to the other side of the helicopter. He then uses his shirt to latch onto the sidebar of the helicopter and somersault to the other sidebar next to the ledge. He then flips up and over, tackling a surprised Alex in the chest!) McBride: Did we just see that? Colburn: I don't know... McBride: Dude, that was one for the history books. (The tackle shattered the window, knocking both of them into the top floor lounge.) Colburn: Do we have a camera in there? (The cameraview switches to the inside of the lounge.) McBride: Dude, Gothic's starting to scare me! (Alex is throwing forks and knives at Chrono, but he manages to dodge out of the way, letting them all stick into the door behind him. We hear screams from workers inside the building as they all evacuate the floor. Alex picks up a whole fridge and hurls it Chrono. Chrono gets hit in the chest, knocking him against the wall. Alex comes in to do more damage, but Chrono knocks him in the head with a thrown frozen pasta dish!) Colburn: Wow. I didn't see that coming. McBride: Oh man! Alex does look out of it now, but at least neither one is bleeding. Colburn: Yeah, the fire made sure of that. McBride: Alex picks up Chrono and does a backbreaker with him on the sink faucet! Ouch! Colburn: Well, looks like Chrono is out of it. Alex picks up Chrono and runs him across the table and then through the table! McBride: This match is over Alex, just throw him out the window already! (Chrono manages to reverse and put a surprised Alex into a neck hold. Alex can no longer breathe and is trying to throw Chrono off of his back. Finally, in desperation, he jumps out the window, surprising the hell out of Chrono. Alex manages to grab onto the windowsill, the glass shards sticking through his hand. Blood everywhere. Chrono manages to hold onto Alex's leg. Alex just unzips his clothing and Chrono falls away.) Colburn: Wow, Alex won that one naked. McBride: One-piece flame retardant suit. Colburn: What about Chrono? McBride: Don't worry, he'll hit the ground soon. Colburn: Huh? McBride: They set up a stuntman net around the 28th floor. Colburn: Oh. (The last thing we see before the Havoc Viewscreen flickers off is a butt-naked Alex being helped into the helicopter.)