Monday, June 26, 2000: Monday Night Mutilation Card #10 Match #2 Chrono vs. DAND Author: Ryan Hill Match: Cross-dress Hardcore match. Rules: First to have her--uh, his dress ripped off loses. Titles: None. Commentators: Iaian McBride, James Colburn ____________________________________________________________ McBride: Okay. Our next match is Chrono vs. DAND in a: cross-dress hardcore match? Colburn: Ah yes, the one where they dress up as women and fight each other until someone loses their dress. McBride: Dude, this will be one weird match. Colburn: I don’t think I’ll get any sleep after this match. McBride: Why? Do you just find those two so sexy-looking? Colburn: If anything, you’re the only one here who finds this match exciting. McBride: Shut up and call the match, you old b*stard. (The Havoc Viewscreen flickers to life and we see Gothic with a few bandages on himself. He’s also drinking a bottle of the drug. He faces the camera.) Gothic: Well, this match will prove to be interesting, but this match had better not become the new trademark of the Havoc Dominion. First off, let’s introduce the man...or woman who needs no introduction, DAND! (Electricity arcs under the stage and firework-type explosions go off. "American Badass" blasts out of the speakers, which confuses the crowd a little. Suddenly, Samantha drives DAND’s bike on the stage and continues driving towards the ring. She gets off and climbs in the ring and waves to everybody. The crowd seems a little confused, but they cheer for her anyway. She’s wearing a silky black dress with red lipstick and black mascara. She’s wearing black high heel shoes and carrying a purse. Some of her long, brown hair is covering her right eye, which gives her a sexy look.) Colburn: -Uhhh-where the hell is DAND? McBride: I don’t know, but Samantha is wearing a mic, so let’s find out. (McBride pushes a button and begins speaking into the mic.) McBride: Hello, Samantha. Where’s DAND? Samantha: He’s here. You’re looking right at him. McBride: Say what?! (Samantha then pushes her hair back and shows her whole face. The right eye has a familiar scar.) Colburn: HOLY SH*T!!! DUDE, THAT’S DAND!!! McBride: WHAT! DAND: That’s right, guys. Had you fooled, didn’t I? (The crowd suddenly realizes that it is DAND, and many gasp and laugh in surprise. DAND seems to be enjoying it since he waves and smiles to the crowd. Even some of the brave ones give out catcalls and DAND looks at them strangely, but he still waves to the crowd.) McBride: Chr*st, this is weird already! I’m almost afraid to see what Chrono looks like! Gothic: Very strange, although he makes a better woman than a man. Our next wrestler is Chrono! Come on out Miss Canadian! ("Engel" bursts out of the speakers as the lights glow an eerie blue. A watch is seen on the Viewscreen with its hands circling quickly. Chrono walks out wearing a silky blue dress and blue high heels. It also seems that Chrono has a pair of fake breasts that can be seen protruding from his chest. He has a disgusted mood on his face along with blue lipstick and black mascara. His hair is all in curls and he’s wearing what looks like clip-on earings. Lots of the crowd laugh and hoot as Chrono makes his way towards the ring. Some near him ask him out, but Chrono gives them an evil look and clenches his fists, which have blue nail polish on his nails. They immediately grow silent and Chrono leaps into the ring.) Colburn: Oh boy. He does not look happy. Chrono: No sh*t! Colburn: Oops--is this thing on? McBride: Ah hell! Let’s just leave it on for a while. Just don’t make any comments. (Gothic takes a look at the two dressed-up wrestlers.) Gothic: Okay then. You two girls play nice, and have fun. (Both of them give him a stare, although Chrono looks madder than DAND. Gothic simply laughs and the Viewscreen flickers off.) Chrono: I can't believe I let Nadia do this to me! DAND: My my my. That dress really brings out your eyes. Chrono: I’m about to take out your eyes! (Chrono then charges with a yell. DAND quickly moves to the side, but Chrono bounces off the turnbuckle and tackles DAND to the ground. Chrono then throws multiple punches to DAND’s head. He then stops to stand up and catch his breath. He leaves the ring and goes under to grab something. He’s holding a lead pipe and he climbs back in. DAND is still lying on the ground.) Chrono: Let’s see how pretty you look when I bash your head into the floor! (He makes a strike, but DAND rolls out of harms way. He crawls out of the ring and goes underneath to grab a weapon. DAND comes out holding a metal chair.) DAND: OOoo...going through PMS, are you? (Chrono screams and takes a swing at him with his pipe, but DAND deflects the blow with the chair. Chrono strikes again with more strength each time, causing DAND to kneel down lower and lower. DAND then slides underneath Chrono’s legs and comes back up from behind. He then bashes Chrono’s head with the chair, but Chrono suddenly turns around with an angry look. He doesn’t seem to be phased at all by the blow. DAND backs off a bit and looks at him with careful eyes. DAND then cracks a smile.) DAND: You know, black panties look very nice on you. Chrono: Really? I think red will look really good on you. (Chrono then bashes his head with the pipe, causing DAND to bleed from his head. His right face is completely covered in blood. Chrono swings again, but DAND ducks and hits Chrono on the kneecap with his chair. Chrono backs off and ducks in to get another weapon. He comes out with a 2x4, but DAND appears to have left. Chrono sees a trail of blood leading into the stage. He turns to the announcer’s table.) Chrono: Where did he go? McBride: Ummm, that way. *points towards stage* (Chrono moves towards the stage with the crowd hooting and hollering at him. Chrono simply ignores them as he follows the trail of blood. He disappears into the back of the stage. A cam-man is following him.) Colburn: Alright, let’s see where he’s going. (The Viewscreen flickers on and we see Chrono still following the trail of blood. After a while, it leads into the men’s bathroom. Chrono goes in with his 2x4 ready. He looks around, but the trail seems to end. A man comes out from one of the toilets and is shocked to see Chrono. He leaves in a hurry, while Chrono looks at every toilet to see if DAND is there. He suddenly stops and whips out a grin.) Chrono: The women’s bathroom! (He leaves the bathroom immediately and bursts into the women’s bathroom. DAND is looking at the mirror trying to touch up on his head wound. The blood is off his face and it seems he’s adding powder to his face. Chrono is completely confused. DAND looks towards Chrono.) DAND: Oh, I’m sorry. Do you need some more lipstick? (DAND whips out an evil smile as Chrono walks towards him with the 2x4. He swings at DAND, but DAND blocks and roundhouses him to the head. DAND then throws punches to his gut and jaw. Chrono doesn’t seem to be phased at all. His face grows red, then he elbows him to the head, followed by a lead uppercut to the jaw, and the 2x4 cracks in half as it hits DAND’s sternum. DAND gets up and simply coughs.) DAND: Very nice. My turn! (DAND runs up to him and side kicks him to the groin. Chrono groans in pain, but DAND continues with an elbow to the back of the head, followed with a knee to the face. DAND then stands him up and palms him in the chest, sending Chrono out the door. Chrono coughs out blood as DAND goes out with the cam-man following. DAND throws another punch, but Chrono catches it and throws his free fist towards his face. He throws it again and again, but DAND doesn’t show signs of weakness. DAND grabs Chrono’s wrist that’s holding DAND’s fist, pulls him close, and knees him in the gut. Chrono suddenly lets go. DAND throws a hook to Chrono’s nose. His nose begins to bleed. DAND smiles.) DAND: You look so pretty when you’re bleeding. Chrono: You’ll be looking ugly when I’m through with you! (Chrono wipes off the blood from his face and jumps towards DAND. He tackles him to the ground, then he gets up and grabs DAND’s leg. With a big swing, he throws him against the wall, which makes a large hole. DAND gets up groaning. Chrono throws a thrust kick to DAND’s gut and crashes him against the wall again, making the hole bigger. DAND gets up again and Chrono sets up another kick, but DAND catches it. He then twists it and sends Chrono spinning to the ground. DAND is left with Chrono’s shoe.) Chrono: Hey! That’s my shoe! DAND: Here, you can have it back. (DAND takes it and clubs Chrono’s head with the heel of the shoe. Chrono begins to ooze blood from his wound, but he seems unaffected. DAND throws the shoe away and throws his fists at him, but Chrono blocks them with ease. Chrono then grabs him by the throat and lifts him by his feet. Chrono walks down the hall and brings him to a wooden door. DAND struggles to speak.) DAND: That’s not acting like a nice, beautiful lady. Chrono: Oh, I’m beautiful, but I’m no lady. And I am far from nice! (Chrono then throws him across the end of the hall and through the door, which shatters from the force of the throw. DAND gets up and grabs his own throat and breathes in deeply. The two are in a vending machine room with some chairs, a mop, and two tables. Chrono moves in and jumps up on the table near DAND. DAND tries to react, but Chrono hits him with a missile drop kick. DAND collapses to the floor. Chrono then takes a chair and smashes it against DAND’s back. DAND simply gets up as if the blow didn’t affect him. DAND wipes off some blood off his face. He takes a look at himself.) DAND: Ah sh*t...Samantha is going to kill me when she sees this. Chrono: Don’t worry...I’ll kill you first! (Chrono throws the chair at his head, but DAND catches it and forces it out of his grasp. Chrono quickly grabs the mop and breaks the mop end of it, and spins it around like a kendo stick. DAND, surprisingly, does the same with the chair. Chrono’s eyes look at him in awe. The crowd does as well.) Colburn: This match just gets stranger and stranger. (DAND flips towards Chrono and swings the chair towards his head. Chrono stops the blow with a high block, then moves his weight towards DAND and smacks his gut with the mop. He smacks him in the head with the mop and DAND sprays blood all over the room with each hit. He seems to be dazed as his eyes roll back slowly. Chrono throws the stick away and takes a table and lifts it above his head. DAND suddenly recovers and thrust kicks him to the gut, forcing Chrono back. He also recovers and throws a punch, but DAND catches it and twists his arm, causing Chrono to turn his back towards him. DAND then kicks the back of his knee joint, causing Chrono to fall to his face. DAND moves away as Chrono gets up, leaving a puddle of blood on the floor. He then looks at his hand and sees a broken nail. He suddenly becomes furious.) Chrono: You broke my nail! You broke my nail! You b*tch! DAND: You know, I know someone who can fix that up. Chrono: But who’s gonna fix you? (Chrono then puts both his hands around a vending machine and lifts it off the ground. DAND is suddenly on his guard as he sees Chrono lift it above his head! Chrono is screaming his head off as he walks slowly towards DAND. DAND grabs a chair, but then he looks and compares who has the advantage. DAND simply shrugs and charges at him. Chrono simply kicks him in the kneecap and sends DAND back. Chrono then throws the machine to the ground. DAND rolls out of its way, but the blow catches his foot. DAND yells in pain and surprise. Chrono simply looks at him and then lifts the machine up for DAND to get out. DAND stands up, but the injury doesn’t allow him to stand on his foot.) DAND: You’re really cute when you’re angry. Chrono: And you’ll look really cute without skin! (Chrono charges, but DAND kicks him with his injured foot. They both yell in pain, Chrono holding his jaw, and DAND hopping on one foot while holding the injured one. Chrono recovers and grabs him by the injured foot and throws him out the room. DAND gets up, but he’s still limping. Chrono takes a chair and tries to bash him, but DAND grabs the chair. They both wrestle for the chair, one seeming to get an advantage over the other, but then quickly changing. Finally, Chrono loses his grip and DAND gets the chair. He swings it against his head and hits across the ear. Chrono’s head jerks to the side, but it quickly whips back and Chrono throws a fist to his face. DAND steps back, but falls over his injured foot. DAND quickly flips up and heads for an exit. Chrono follows.) McBride: Where does that door lead to? Colburn: I think that’s the parking lot. McBride: Uh oh. (Chrono looks around in the parking lot, which is full of cars. DAND doesn’t seem to be anywhere. Chrono smashes a side window of one of the cars and rips out a brake handle. The car alarm goes off, so Chrono rips the hood open and smashes the horn. The horn dies to a wheeze. He holds the brake handle above his head and watches for DAND. He moves to another car that also has a broken window. The steering wheel seems to be messed up a little. Suddenly, DAND leaps up on top of the car and smacks his head with a Klubb (those steering wheel locks that prevent the wheel from turning). Chrono falls to the ground and DAND jumps down, but he limps again from his foot. Chrono struggles to get up.) Chrono: *groaning* Oh boy. Despite the pulsating pain in my head, I’m really enjoying this match. DAND: Yeah? That dress really does look good on you. Chrono: I think it’s time I ended your Goddamn comments about my dress! (Chrono gets up and throws the brake handle at DAND. The handle hits him square in the head. DAND seems surprised by the blow, but not phased. Chrono uses the time to his advantage and sweeps DAND to the ground. DAND tries to get up, but his injured foot distracts him. Chrono lifts him up and throws him against a car’s windshield. It shatters within impact, and DAND lies on the passenger seat with blood oozing out of his face. DAND gets out through the passenger seat and doesn’t move. However, Chrono lifts the other side of the car and attempts to roll it over DAND. DAND gets up and moves out of the way. DAND then flips over the toppled car and throws a kick at Chrono. Chrono steps back but he’s not phased.) McBride: Man! I don’t think Chrono appreciates this match too much. Colburn: Really? Did you know this when he received comments about his dress, or when he threw a vending machine over DAND? McBride: Shut up, geezer. Colburn: Don’t make me kick your @$$! McBride: Hold on-I think this is it. (Chrono then flips over DAND and grabs his black dress and attempts to rip it off. DAND backfists him to the jaw, causing Chrono to let go. DAND then grabs his dress and rips it partway, revealing...a bra? Chrono’s face grows red with anger again and takes out two metal balls that were his "breasts". He then throws one to his injured foot. DAND avoids it, but the second one hits him in the chest. DAND steps back and tries to catch his breath. Chrono then takes his dress and rips it off with one blow. DAND is seen only wearing gray boxers with the words "Death and Nuclear Destruction" in red letters. DAND looks a little embarrassed and looks towards Chrono.) Chrono: Cute. Very cute. DAND: Well, you won. Satisfied? Chrono: Actually...no. (He then rips off his own dress revealing matching panties. He looks down a bit embarrassed and grabs DAND and lifts him up over his head. He then throws him near a car that’s been undamaged. He then goes around the back of the car and opens the trunk. DAND is thrown in and Chrono closes the trunk. Then Chrono lifts the car to the side and flips it over, crushing another car beside it. Chrono then walks away and throws the dresses into a nearby dumpster. DAND gets out of the back seat and coughs out blood. Medics arrive at the scene and carry him out of the car.) DAND: Oh well. I guess I better tell Samantha about her dress. She’s not going to be happy about this. (The Viewscreen then flickers off.) Colburn: Well that was interesting. McBride: I agree. And I must say that Chrono actually looks good in that dress. (snickers) Colburn: Umm...the mics are still on, you know. McBride: They are? (Chrono appears behind McBride and drags him away from the announcer table. McBride screams for help, but Colburn simply points and laughs. He’s dragged outside to the parking lot and the Viewscreen flickers on. McBride is thrown in the dumpster and Chrono jumps in. A lot of fighting and struggling is heard, and then Chrono jumps out with a chuckle. McBride comes out wearing a torn blue dress and blue lipstick all over his face. The crowd laughs hysterically.) Colburn: *laughing* I can’t wait to see the next match!