Monday, July 10th 2000: Wednesday Night Death from Above Card #12 - Match #4 DAND Vs. Gothic Author: Jeff Davidson [Vice President] Match: Gladiator Pit w/ Tigers. Rules: None. Titles: None. Commentators: Iaian McBride, James Colburn ____________________________________________________________________ McBride: Alright, next up is going to be the execution of DAND...I mean ...no, the execution of DAND. Colburn: I'd have to agree. I mean, come on, the guy's invincible for crying out loud! No way does DAND stand a chance, especially not in a Gladiator pit with chained tigers! McBride: Well, it's not a real gladiator pit, just a modified demolition derby pit. Although the effect is still the same, no way out except victory or defeat. Colburn: That's right. And in this case defeat follows directly behind unconsciousness. McBride: When does it ever not in the Havoc Dominion? Colburn: ...You've got a point there. McBride: (puts his hand to his ear) Dude! I just got word that we're all set up and ready to go. Colburn: Well don't keep me waiting! Start the carnage already! (The camera cuts to a helicopter view of the modified derby pit. The walls of the pit have been raised about 15 feet higher than before and the dirt has been replaced by fine sand, packed down for better grip. Several 5 foot metal posts stick out of the ground near the walls which have tigers on chains attached to them. The tigers are nowhere near happy.) McBride: I hope they fed those tigers recently. Colburn: I don't. The hungrier they are the more vicious they'll be. And then we'll see lots of blood!! Yeah!! McBride: Dude! Calm the f*ck down! Colburn: What!? Don't tell me you haven't gotten used to the sight of blood yet? McBride: Oh I'm used to that. I'm just not used to your psychotic thirst for blood quite yet. Colburn: ...Oh...sucks to be you I guess. McBride: (sighs) And Kalista thought Dark Angel was bad, sheesh. Colburn: What? What? I didn't quite catch that. McBride: I said here come the combatants! Colburn: Oh, right. (Down in the pit, iron gates on either side are raised and DAND and Gothic emerge from them. They're not even 5 feet away from two of the tigers and the tigers swipe and growl at them.) McBride: Dude, this view sucks. You can barely even see them. Colburn: True, which is why we have a couple cameras set up closer to the action. McBride: How close? (The view switches to one where a tiger is just in front of the camera.) McBride: Oh...where the heck is that camera? Colburn: You know those metal posts? McBride: Oh I see. Very tricky. Colburn: Now just one more thing and we'll be started. McBride: Like what? (Weapons suddenly start raining down onto the pit. Everything from chains, nets, swords, stalves, clubs and spears land in random spots in the pit. Even small bits of armor and shields rain down. A broadsword lands conveniently beside Gothic and he leisurely picks it up. DAND is not so fortunate and nearly gets hit in the head with the business end of a spear.) McBride: Dude! Colburn: I thought you'd say that. McBride: Who's idea was that? Colburn: Mine. I wanted it to be more like a match between two gladiators from roman times. McBride: Well, mission accomplished. But as it is right now Gothic is armed and ready while DAND has nothing. Colburn: He has a spear doesn't he? (In the pit, DAND is unable to pull the spear out of the ground. Only a few inches of the shaft can be seen above the ground.) Colburn: Oops. Must have hit a soft spot in the sand. McBride: Oops, huh? Well, at any rate, Gothic is sick of waiting and is now slowly approaching DAND, who is still trying to get that spear. DAND: Rasa frackin' stupid thing! (Gothic is about ten feet away when DAND finally manages to pull out the spear. At this time Gothic chooses to rush DAND, and DAND barely manages to bring up the spear in time to parry Gothic's oncoming blade. DAND uses the other end of the spear to poke Gothic in the gut, which has no effect whatsoever on Gothic. Gothic tries to spin slash DAND in the head but DAND ducks out of the way. Gothic keeps spinning, however, and comes around with a roundhouse to DAND's head, which sends DAND sailing into one of the tigers. DAND impacts the tiger and it goes sailing into the wall. This only serves to piss it off, and it comes back and pounces on DAND. It is a rather large tiger and DAND has trouble fighting it off. He finally manages to kick it away and then gets out of the range of it's chain. He has quite a few deep gashes in his chest which begin to seep blood.) McBride: How about that? The tigers were the first to draw blood. Colburn: Who cares!? It's blood! McBride: Dude...seek help! Colburn: Nevah! Mwa ha ha! (licks lips) McBride: I didn't think it could get any worse, but I guess I was wrong. (Gothic picks up DAND and tosses him in the air. While DAND ascends, Gothic slashes him all over and then when DAND comes down Gothic gives him a rising knee. DAND recoils against the blow, but manages to land and roll away from Gothic. He then gets up and runs towards a nearby tiger with Gothic in hot pursuit. The tiger is only halfway to the full length of it's chain so it runs and leaps to meet DAND, but DAND ducks and rolls under the tiger's flight path, leaving the tiger to pounce on Gothic.) Colburn: Hmm, neat trick. McBride: It didn't work as well as DAND hoped though. Gothic just kicked the tiger away like it was nothing. Colburn: Hey, what's DAND doing? (DAND grabs a nearby sword and begins hacking at the tiger's chain. After a few hits the chain snaps and the tiger is loose. The tiger once again pounces on Gothic, but this time DAND helps the tiger by throwing a net onto Gothic. Gothic falls to the ground with he and the tiger fighting it out in the confines of the small mass of rope. While they are busy, DAND systematically frees the rest of the tigers. Some of them attack Gothic in the net while the rest chase after DAND.) Colburn: Oh, yeah, that was a great idea. Just go and free all the hungry tigers so they can chase you around. What an idiot. McBride: Maybe not. Most of the tigers are going after Gothic in the net. Perhaps they prefer the easier prey. Colburn: Then they obviously don't know Gothic very well. (As if on cue, Gothic explodes out of the pile of angry tigers. The net is shredded and the tiger that was in there with him lays severely wounded on the ground. The rest of the tigers are a bit hesitant to initiate attack, but one eventually does and Gothic slaps it away like it was a small child. On the other end of the pit, DAND is collecting weapons and armor as he runs from his pursuers. The two tigers behind him seem to be tiring as they are slowly decreasing speed.) McBride: Dude, DAND's totally tired out those tigers. Colburn: I guess they don't like fast food. McBride: ...That was bad... Colburn: Yeah, so? (Another tiger tries to pounce on Gothic, but this time he roundhouses it into the wall. It falls into a pile onto the sand and doesn't get up. The rest of the tigers decide to leave Gothic alone and lay down to rest. Meanwhile, the two tigers chasing DAND have collapsed on the sand, exhausted. DAND now has a good collection of armor and weaponry so he proceeds to suit himself up.) McBride: That should give him a good advantage against Gothic. Colburn: You really think so? McBride: Well...no, I guess not. Colburn: Maybe now that those tigers are out of the way we can finally see more of DAND and Gothic, one on one. (DAND finishes suiting up just as Gothic approaches, sword in hand. DAND brandishes his own sword and a shield to go with it. Before DAND can react, Gothic smashes his sword across DAND's shield. The shield breaks and the sword shatters. The shrapnel from the sword cuts both men's faces and arms. DAND goes for a downward slash on Gothic but Gothic spins and catches DAND's hand, holding it in place.) Gothic: Foolish. (Gothic then disarms DAND and in the same motion grabs the sword and swings upward across DAND's right wrist. His right hand comes flying off and lands near one of the tigers. The tiger sniffs the hand and then eats it. DAND's wrist begins to spurt out blood.) DAND: Excuse me for one second. (DAND runs over to the tiger and tackles it. He then holds it's mouth open with his foot while shoving his non-severed hand down it's throat. He pulls his severed hand out from the tiger, and the tiger then runs away.) DAND: Bad tiger. (DAND is about to get up and attack Gothic again when he stumbles to his knees. His severed wrist is spurting out a lot of blood and DAND can't stay conscious for long. He slowly succumbs and falls face first into the sand.) Colburn: Well, that's it. Gothic wins, big surprise. McBride: Well, hey, it was entertaining wasn't it!? Colburn: Debatable. Although DAND losing his hand was pretty cool. McBride: (sighs) You're one tough old man to please. Colburn: Well, the match was pretty short too. McBride: Hey, if it had lasted any longer those tigers probably would have gotten their nerve back and then we woulda had some trouble. Colburn: I could've stood seeing that. McBride: Yeah, I bet you would. Colburn: Anyway, we'll be back in a few! McBride: Yeah, don't go away!