Wednesday, August 2nd 2000: Wednesday Night Death from Above Card #15 - Match #5 Bikini Match Free-For-All Author: Ryan Hill (SuperBeast) [Writer] Match: Bikini Jello Honey Dunking Match. Rules: Those who are dunked with honey or move out of the ring, lose. Titles: Dominion Belt. Commentators: Iaian McBride, James Colburn. _______________________________________________________________ McBride: Okay, this is our last match for tonight. Colburn: Already? I want to see more, goddamnit! McBride: Haven't you had enough blood for one night? Colburn: Hell no! McBride: Well, I think this next match will satisfy you. (The arena for the match is finished. At the centre is a five foot pit covered in yellow jello mixed with a fruit salad. Two feet of sand surround the pit in a circle and slope down on the edges. From above, it looks like a 30-foot diameter donut with jelly in the centre. About 30 buckets full of honey are lined up along the edge of the sand. Some jungle bushes and small palm trees surround the entire arena, giving an atmosphere of a tropical beach.) Colburn: ...This doesn't seem to promise a lot of blood. McBride: Oh c'mon! You remember this kind of match, don't you? Colburn: If it didn't have blood in it, I wouldn't remember it. McBride: *sigh* Well, I think you'll remember this one. (Just then, the Havoc Viewscreen flickers to life. Gothic is facing the camera and looking at the arena.) Gothic: Excellent. Apparently we are ready to begin. I am certain many of you recall the format? (The crowd is screaming and hollering with delight. Many of the men give out cat calls and whistles.) Gothic: (grins) I had doubts with this match when it first arrived, but now, judging by the popularity of this match, I believe that I can handle the additional paperwork. Anyway, first is...*smile fades*. McBride: Ummm...something wrong? Gothic: Is it correct that some men are participating in this match? McBride: Ummm...yeah. Gothic: *sigh* I changed my mind. Colburn: What's he talking about? McBride: Don't you remember this match at all? Colburn: Like I said, if it didn't have bl- McBride: It's a freakin' bikini jello honey dunking match! GOD! You have no memory of it? Colburn: Bikinis? Then why are men in it? Gothic: Anyway, let's bring on the men first and get it over with. First up is DAND. ("Sad but True" blasts out of the speakers, but the rest of the entrance doesn't follow. DAND walks out in a...[Writer's Note: *shiver*] pink two-piece bikini. Many of the men look away and choke in disgust, but some are brave enough (or insane enough) to cheer. Many of the women are laughing as DAND waves out a hand. He seems to be enjoying the attention he's getting as he steps into the ring of sand. He takes a look at the jello with a surprise. The crowd gives out mixed feelings of disgust, laughter, and surprise.) Gothic: This will definitely be the longest match of my existence. Our next one is...Dark Angel? ("Moonlight Sonata" soothes through the speakers as Angel walks out wearing a frilly little lace for a suit. Again, the men turn and choke at Angel's appearance. Angel simply grins his way towards the arena. The crowd gives out gasps and laughs as Angel proudly sizes himself up for the fight. DAND looks at him with a queer look, but he shakes his hand for his bravery for joining the match. Dark Angel shakes and seems to congratulate him as well. He has scorch marks and a few bruises, but has nearly recovered.) Colburn: Is this what you meant by not forgetting about this match? McBride: *shivers* I was hoping it wouldn't. Colburn: Shouldn't we put the mics on? McBride: Oh right. *presses button* Nice suits, guys. DAND and Angel: *cold stare* Thank you. Gothic: Well...at least they're taking it well. Okay, last one. Let's see William come out, who will be followed by the beautiful Nadia. ("Alter Mann" plays over the speakers, and William walks on to the stage wearing a two-piece blue bikini. The crowd seems to be adapting to the surprises, and most of them cheer the men on for their courage. Nadia walks in, wearing a nasty-looking black G-string, and stands beside William. The men of the crowd suddenly go wild with howls and cat calls!) Nadia: Are all those cheers for me? Will: They *better* be for you. Crowd: *laughs* (Nadia and William make their way towards the arena. They greet DAND and Angel with handshakes for William and hugs for Nadia.) McBride: ...whoah. Colburn: Yeah. Whoah. Gothic: Okay, now it's getting better. That's all the men. Now let's get the rest of the women out here! We'll continue with Alena. (The men are already screaming as "Falling Away from Me" blasts out. Alena walks out wearing her familiar two-piece red bikini. She walks towards the arena with her arms reached out to touch those with their arms out. She reaches the arena and greets everyone with hugs. She begins to talk with Nadia about the men, which follows many giggles afterwards. The men look at the two with annoyance in their eyes. The women continue to laugh.) Gothic: Okay, let's have Kalista walk out next. ("Is Anybody Home?" blasts out, and Kalista walks out wearing a slick-looking, two-piece white bikini. The men become wilder with howls and whistles. Kalista makes her way towards the arena and greets everyone with hugs, except for Angel, who tries to advance on her. She stops him with a palm to the chest. Angel backs off, but he's still smiling at her.) Gothic: ...Friendly couple, aren't they? Alright! Let's get this match under way- (A guitar solo playing over the speakers interrupts Gothic from announcing the match. The music turns out to be "Temptation". Crimson walks out wearing a red-silked robe. The crowd is surprised, but they welcome her with cheers. She walks into the arena with everyone facing her.) Crimson: I apologize for intruding in your match, but I would like it very much if I could join in the fun, if you accept me. (They all look at her with welcome. However, confusion covers their faces.) Alena: Do you have a bikini? (Crimson responds by removing her robe. Everyone sees her wearing a two-piece black and red bikini. Once again, more hooting and hollering from the men ring out. Everyone takes a place around the jello pit and wait for Gothic to continue.) Gothic: Okay then. This will certainly look interesting. Let the match begin. (Everyone faces the pit of jell-o, but no one decides to jump in. They look at it with confusion.) DAND: Well, anyone want to go first? (Everyone looks towards DAND with an evil grin. DAND looks at them with wide eyes.) DAND: Oh no! I hate fruit! And that stuff is covered in it- (Will and Angel grab him from both arms. DAND tries to struggle, but the women keep him still. They manage to lift him off his feet and, with two practice swings, they throw DAND head first into the jell-o fruit salad. With a sudden rush, DAND leaps back out shivering.) DAND: COLD! COLD! *licks lips* Hmmm...banana and pineapple jello. (DAND then takes a handful of the jell-o and eats it vigorously, fruit and all. Alena jumps in next and stands in the centre with a scream and chill down her spine. She also gives it a taste and licks her lips in delight. Nadia and Kalista jump in and also begin eating the jello salad. Crimson looks at the jello and dips her finger in it. She licks her finger clean and shrugs. Angel takes a handful and swallows it whole. Will jumps in and sticks around with Nadia.) (At the table) Colburn: What the hell? McBride: Well, the jello won't last too long at this rate. Colburn: Guys, can we start fighting? (At the arena) Alena: Oh, alright. Let's go you guys! (DAND decides to grab two buckets of honey and looks down at the others in the jello. DAND gets ready to throw, but Crimson taps on his shoulder. DAND turns around and sees her with a bucket ready. DAND puts his buckets down and stares at Crimson.) Crimson: How about we fight for real? DAND: *chuckles* Oh c'mon. I wouldn't dare strike- (Crimson knocks him down with a roundhouse to the head. DAND gets up and gives his head a shake, then looks towards her.) DAND: That's quite a kick you have there. (Crimson simply winks and throws another one. DAND catches it though and manages to hold on tightly. Crimson struggles, but DAND pulls her towards the jello. Alena, Nadia, Will, and Kalista move out of the way in case one of them falls in. Angel watches with amusement with a bucket next to him, waiting to be thrown at someone. DAND then pushes Crimson in, but Crimson manages to pull him in as she falls. Both DAND and Crimson jump out, covered in jell-o and fruit. Crimson licks some of it off her fingers while DAND gets his buckets of honey. Kalista decides to jump out of the jello and get a bucket handy. Alena does the same on the other side. DAND, Angel, Kalista, Crimson, and Alena are all covered in jello and holding their buckets of honey, looking at the others. Nadia and Will are still in the jello. Nadia decides to jump out, but Will stops her and decides to play with her some more. They begin feeding each other jello and fruit, while the rest look at them with grins and their buckets ready.) (At the table) Colburn: *chuckles* Those two are in for a big surprise. (At the arena) Angel: NOW! (The five outside the jello walk up towards the jello and throw the honey in. Will and Nadia scream in surprise and jump out just in time. The jello begins swallowing the honey. Will and Nadia get their own buckets while the others go for some more. Everyone is outside the jello, holding a fresh bucket and looking at each other with careful eyes. Alena charges towards the jello, leaps over and throws her honey towards Kalista. Kalista ducks out of the way and waits for Alena to land. Kalista then throws her honey towards Alena. Alena rolls out of the way and grabs another bucket. Alena throws her honey and it splashes all over Kalista. Kalista gives out a short shriek, then sulks a little. Alena sighs in pity and smiles. Kalista shakes Alena's hand, which is drooping with honey, and then begins to leave. Angel moves in front of Kalista with a big smile.) Angel: You know, I could help you clean that honey off! *licks lips* (Kalista surprisingly smiles at him and urges him to come forward. Angel smiles with delight and sticks out his wet tongue. Kalista suddenly knees him in the crotch, which sends him falling to the ground. Kalista then grabs a fresh bucket and slams it into Angel's face. The honey spills all over Angel's head and upper body. Kalista then removes the bucket and swings it against Angel's face. A metal clang rings out from the impact, and Angel flies out of the arena. Kalista then walks away, still smothering in honey. Angel eventually gets up and follows her while holding his sticky head.) (At the table) McBride: Well, that's two out, and the honey is running out fast! Colburn: ... McBride: Dude? You alright? Colburn: ...huh? Yeah, yeah. I'm...just in deep thought right now. (At the arena) Alena: COLBURN! (At the table) Colburn: DAH! Sorry, sorry. McBride: *laughs* Dude, you're dead when this match is through. (At the arena) (Alena grabs another bucket and looks at the rest of the opponents. Crimson, Nadia, Will, and DAND are still holding their buckets and watch Alena carefully. Everyone waits for someone to make any movement. Alena slowly puts her bucket aside and gets into a fighting position. The others are a little confused, but they do the same as well. DAND and Will look at each other and get ready to attack. Crimson and Nadia turn their attention to Alena. DAND is the first to strike and throws a jab and a cross towards Will. Will parries both attacks and throws a palm towards DAND's chest. DAND grabs it, twists him around into a wrist lock with Will's back facing him, and DAND kicks the back of his knee joints. Will collapses on the sand, but he pulls DAND down as well, who manages to come close to the edge of the jello honey pit.) (At the table) McBride: Great! Now they're actually fighting. Colburn: There's no blood, though. McBride: Oh for God's sake! There are beautiful women in bikinis covered in cold jello! What more do you want? Colburn: Actually, I feel better now. Thanks, man. McBride: ...yeah. Anytime. (At the arena) (Meanwhile, Alena is in between Nadia and Crimson. Nadia and Crimson strike from both sides, but Alena manages to hold them off. Crimson throws a blur of jabs while Nadia throws a roundhouse and side kicks. Alena manages to parry most of the moves, but a kick and a few punches manage to get through her defenses. Crimson and Nadia manage to throw a roundhouse towards Alena's face at the same time. Alena falls to her back from the immense force. She tries getting up, but Nadia keeps her pinned. Crimson goes for a bucket.) (At the table) McBride: Uh oh. I suspect those two are teaming up against Alena. Colburn: ...What the hell did you think they were doing? McBride: Well, they are. Colburn: No sh*t they are. Now shut up already! McBride: ...That time of the month, is it? (At the arena) (DAND and Will are still wrestling in the ground, edging closer to the jello honey pit. DAND manages to squeeze a foot in and push Will over DAND's head, which is close to the pit. However, since DAND put so much force into the throw, Will manages to fly over the pit and onto the other side. Will gets up from the fall, but DAND leaps over the pit and tackles Will in the air. Will rolls DAND off closer to the edge of the arena. Both get up and cough out the pain from the tackle. The two stop to see what the women are up to.) (At the table) Colburn: Goddamnit! Keep fighting, you freaks in bikinis! McBride: Dude...*points to mic* (At the arena) DAND and Will: Shut up, Colburn! (Nadia is still pinning Alena, who is struggling to get out. Crimson has two buckets ready, but Alena manages to break free and roll to her feet, turning her back towards DAND and Will. Crimson doesn't hesitate and throws the honey at Alena. Alena dodges, but the honey continues to fly towards DAND. DAND ducks and the honey splashes harmlessly out of the arena. DAND gets back up.) DAND: That was a close- (Without hesitation, Crimson throws the other one, but the bucket slips out of her hands and flies towards Alena. Alena dodges again as the bucket zooms by. However, DAND doesn't react in time, and the bucket crashes against his head. He falls over the arena and the bucket falls to his face. His head is oozing with cold honey as he gets up to wipe it off. Crimson looks at the damage caused, but she simply shrugs. DAND leaves the arena. Alena suddenly strikes at Crimson and kicks her down towards the jello pit. Crimson gives out a yell and falls into the jello. Alena grabs a fresh bucket and pours it over the resurfaced Crimson. Crimson grunts at the mess she's in and moves to get out, but her eyes grow wide with surprise and she stays in the pool of jello and honey.) (At the table) McBride: Well, DAND and Crimson are now out, nice and sticky. Colburn: *laughs* I don't think DAND saw that bucket coming- (DAND walks towards the announcer's table and grabs Colburn by the shirt. He lifts him from off his seat and out of the table. DAND whips out a grin as Colburn struggles out of his sticky grasp.) Colburn: What the hell are you doing?! DAND: So, you enjoying the show we men are putting on for you? Perhaps you'd like to join in the fun! (DAND then drags Colburn into the arena and up towards the edge of the jello pit. With both arms, DAND lifts Colburn over his head. Colburn gives out a cry as DAND drops him into the pit. He emerges after a few seconds, covered thickly with fruit, jello, and honey. Crimson moves away from the old man, while DAND is laughing his head off.) (At the table) McBride: *laughing very hard* *falls off chair* (At the arena) (DAND looks at Crimson, who looks very agitated. Colburn looks towards Crimson with his jaw drooping. Crimson sees this and knocks Colburn out with a powerful fist. DAND simply stares.) DAND: Need help getting out? Crimson: My top! I lost it in the fall! DAND: Oh. *laughs* Well, Colburn certainly got what he deserved. Crimson: Will you leave and let me find it myself? DAND: *takes off top* Here. Wear this until someone finds it. Crimson: Thanks. (DAND then walks out, dragging Colburn out of the pit. Colburn seems to be out cold, and paramedics arrive to his aid. Colburn is then carried out and DAND exits the building. Crimson then jumps out of the pit and leaves the arena. The others wave goodbye, and she waves back. Crimson grabs a towel and wipes off all the honey and jello possible. She then puts on her robe and begins to leave. She then turns towards the announcer's table and decides to take a seat.) (At the table) Crimson: You don't mind, do you? McBride: Uhh...no. Not at all. Crimson: Just don't make any offensive comments like your friend. McBride: Who? Colburn? Nah. You won't get anything from me. And Colburn isn't really my friend. I should apologize for his behavior tonight. He's an old man and- Crimson: Enough small talk. I want to see the rest of the match. (At the arena) (Alena watches Nadia and Will, who have two fresh buckets each. Alena can't seem to get a fresh one, so she stays low and watches the other two. Will throws one bucket, but Alena kicks it away without the honey spilling on her. Nadia throws another bucket, but Alena dodges it. Will throws his next one, but his aim is off and splashes near the announcer's table. Nadia tries with her last one, but Alena ducks again. The honey hurdles towards McBride. In seconds, McBride is covered in honey. Crimson can't help but laugh.) (At the table) McBride: Oh c'mon! I didn't say one bad thing about this match! Now I'm all covered in this crap! (At the arena) Nadia: *laughs* Sorry! (Will grabs two more buckets and gives one to Nadia. Alena sees it as an opportunity and charges. Will backs away and gets his bucket ready. Nadia is slightly surprised as she sees Alena dart towards her. Alena sprints by Nadia. Nadia throws the honey at the blurred opponent. However, the honey ends up splashing over Will. Nadia gasps when she realizes what she has done, but then she starts giggling. Will wipes off the excess honey and smiles at Nadia.) Nadia: Sorry. I just missed. Will: Oh well. Just try and get her, alright? Nadia: Alright. (Will then walks away, but Nadia stops him by grabbing his arm.) Nadia: Leave the suit and honey on, will you? (She then gives him a kiss on his sticky cheek and licks off the honey on her lips. Will grins and walks out of the arena.) (At the table) McBride: You know, I'm kind of covered in honey myself. Do you think you could- (Crimson punches McBride off his chair. She then licks off the honey from her knuckles as McBride gets up on his chair.) McBride: I'll take that as a no. Crimson: Smart boy, aren't you? (At the arena) (Nadia grabs Will's bucket while Alena turns around with two buckets. Nadia charges as Alena throws a bucket. Nadia dodges and the bucket falls into the pit. Alena throws the other one, but the throw is too low, and Nadia flips over it. In the air, Nadia drops the bucket over Alena. Alena dodges and the honey spills all over the sand. Nadia lands behind Alena and grabs two more buckets. Alena grabs another bucket, but she isn't able to get a second one since Nadia throws another bucket at her. The honey spills out harmlessly out of the arena. Alena throws her honey, but Nadia rolls out of the way. She rolls towards the pit of (which is now) mush, but her feet manage to push her over the pit and onto the other side. She drops her bucket into the pit, however, and she searches frantically for a fresh one. Alena has another one just as Nadia picks up one. Both are panting quite heavily with their buckets ready.) (At the table) McBride: They're certainly getting tired. Crimson: Someone has to win eventually. (At the arena) (Nadia charges and Alena throws her honey at her. Nadia flips over it and dodges the honey. Alena turns around and sees Nadia land behind her with her bucket ready. Alena ducks as Nadia throws her bucket. Alena sweeps Nadia to the ground and darts for another fresh bucket. Nadia does the same just as Alena grabs two buckets. Alena throws one of them, but misses Nadia, and ends up knocking over a fresh bucket. Nadia goes for another and picks it up. Alena throws the other one, but Nadia dodges again. The honey spills outside the arena, getting some on the crowd. Alena searches for another bucket, but she can's find one. [Writer's Note: According to my math, Nadia should have the last bucket out of 30. If this isn't right, my apologies.] Nadia walks up towards Alena with a grin on her face.) (At the table) McBride: Are they out of honey? Crimson: I think Nadia has the last one. McBride: I guess this is over. (At the arena) (Alena doesn't give up and looks for a fresh bucket, but can't seem to find one. Alena runs off, but she trips over a lump of sand and honey. Nadia walks towards with the bucket over her head. Alena tries to get up, but Nadia pins her with her foot and gets ready to pour. Alena reaches for an empty bucket and throws it towards Nadia's head. Nadia dodges, but the bucket hits Nadia's bucket. The bucket tips over and accidentally pours over Nadia. Nadia shrieks, and then pouts a little. Alena gets up and gives Nadia a hug.) Alena: That was a little cheap. So sorry. Nadia: Well, you still won. (At the table) McBride: And this match is over! Crimson: Nice save there, I must say. (Alena and Nadia walk out covered in honey and sand. A techie gives the new Dominion belt to Alena and she holds it up for everyone to see. The crowd cheers and hollers. Nadia and Alena exit the building while talking to each other.) Crimson: Well, I'll be off now. McBride: Uhh, you want to talk about the match later on? Crimson: *laughs* Cute, but no thanks. I need to take a shower. McBride: Why don't I join you? (Crimson spins around and delivers a roundhouse to McBride's head. McBride falls off his chair, but has trouble getting back up. He holds his head in pain and spits out a tooth.) Crimson: Poor, deluded pervert. *leaves the building* McBride: *groan* Well, that's all for tonight folks. See you next Monday. *falls over and passes out*.